Category: Joke Board
THE YEAR'S BEST
Actual HEADLINES OF 2004:
Crack Found on
Governor's Daughter
[imagine that]!
Something Went Wrong
in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really]?
Police Begin Campaign
to Run Down Jaywalkers
[now that's taking things a bit far]!
Is There a
Ring of Debris
around Uranus?
[not if I wipe thoroughly]!
Panda Mating Fails;
Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy]!
Miners Refuse
to Work
after Death
[no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos]!
Juvenile Court to
Try Shooting Defendant
[see if that works any better than a fair trial]!
War Dims Hope
for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly,
It May Last Awhile
[you think]?
Cold Wave Linked
to Temperatures
[who would have thought]!
Enfield (London) Couple
Slain; Police
Suspect Homicide
[they may be on to something]!
Red Tape Holds
Up New Bridges
[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape]?
Man Struck By Lightning
Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge]!
New Study of Obesity
Looks for Larger
Test Group
[weren't they fat enough]?
Astronaut Takes
Blame for Gas
in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
Kids Make
Nutritious
Snacks
[ Taste like chicken?]
Local High School
Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
Hospitals are Sued
by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that sign right? In an office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER......
PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT
GOES OUT
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR
FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE
DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR
WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE
1ST FLOOR
Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T
WORK)
lollol!